people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
