So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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