I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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