Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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