Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
