the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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