I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize