How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
