I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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