What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
