omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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