I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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