Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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