I hate all girls vehemently.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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