I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
