is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize