it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize