i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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