Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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