Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
