Don't make out with my wife yet
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
