i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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