so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
