He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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