Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
