so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
foreskin is a definite game changer
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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