So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
