i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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