well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
