a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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