So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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