if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
