So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
