You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
