My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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