We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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