he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
