Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
