So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
