You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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