my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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