I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
