I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
