You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I party with great urgency now.
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