how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
