He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
