haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
