just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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