she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
