Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
