My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
