she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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