he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
