Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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