I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
