you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
