So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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