but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
