He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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