I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
