sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
