Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There r osticjed everywhere
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
