Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
