Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize