i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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