Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
