It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
